3 Weeks In

I didn’t plan to be away for three weeks. But that’s how things go sometimes. The first question is what have I been doing during those three weeks? The second question is am I getting “better”?

I’m going to say yes, and I mean it. Honestly, I do. Since I last wrote, I have been to the gym just about every other day, at least three days a week. I have been making better decisions when it comes to eating, I am trying to practice kindness towards myself, and reign in feelings of envy or jealousy.

Get Healthy U
Chris Freytag with Get Healthy U is such an awesome inspiration when it comes to being healthy and getting fit! I follow her on Facebook and read email updates, it’s so positive!

Honestly, I’ve been optimistic, encouraging, involved and it’s been kind of fun. I share a lot of interesting health and fitness articles with my friend and family. I try to acknowledge the individual aspects that make someone special when I communicate with them. I reflect on the good things that are happening to me in a very metacognitive way. I have joined in on conversations and people have responded, I am putting myself out there and they don’t hate me.

metacognition

[met-uh-kog-nishuh n] /ˌmɛt ə kɒgˈnɪʃ ən/
noun, Psychology.
1. higher-order thinking that enables understanding, analysis, and control of one’s cognitive processes, especially when engaged in learning.

I look at myself in the mirror after I’ve been to the gym, or pulled on a pair of jeans, or finished dinner–and I don’t hate me anymore either. I’m proud of myself for these three weeks. I am being transparent with others and myself– and for once, I don’t feel ashamed. I feel like I am a work in progress and so far the progress is good! But only just beginning.

Physical and emotional health and fitness have been at the fore front these first few weeks of the new year. As they have been my focus they have greatly improved the quality of my life. However, other aspects are in equal need of attention: I am still trying to get my business rolling and in the meantime looking for employment elsewhere to supplement; our finances are a disaster since I have been unemployed and as a PhD dropout the student loan bills are starting to roll in. When it was just me, I generally had my finances under control. After I got married, things got a little out of hand. Neither of us are out of control, but the combination of two people on one salary and not always the greatest awareness of the other’s spending has made things difficult. I need to determine a way to make our finances “better” too, just like I am working on my health… Getting an income seems to be the first step.

Girlboss
Who better to inspire a kick-ass entrepreneurial attitude than the CEO of Nasty Gal!

What am I reading? “#Girlboss” by Sophia Amoruso, “Hunger makes me a modern girl” by Carrie Brownstein; and “The life-changing magic of tidying up” by Marie Kondo

What Apps am I loving? Periscope, MyFitnessPal, Audible, and Swarm

What am I working on? knitting socks, weaving, and the scrappy trip along quilt

What am I watching? Heroes, Grey’s Anatomy, Adventure Time, Parks & Recreation

What its all about.

In 6th grade, I picked out my first email address hikingmteverestnabkini@………. Even then, I had a pretty good understanding of what my life was going to be like, and now around 17 years later not much has changed.

That’s the thing about life, everything changes but yet nothing changes. I knew in 6th grade that my life was going to be about as much fun as hiking Mt. Everest while wearing a bikini. Granted there was a period of about a year and a half when things were looking up and I started to have a “life plan” I mean, a serious life plan with years and goals and shit.

I legitimately had it figured out, I was in graduate school for my masters degree, I was married to a husband who loved me a lot, and I knew what the next 4-7 years of my life looked like. It was kind of a magical period. Its not like everything is terrible now, its just that the magic is gone. I quit my plan, literally walked out on Part A after committing 3 years to that which was supposed to lead to joy and happiness in Part B and Part C, etc. I’m still trying to figure out how to get on with Part B and Part C without A, but it means finding a whole new path.

The term “magical thinking” in anthropology, psychology, and cognitive science refers to causal reasoning often involving associative thinking, such as the perceived ability of the mind to affect the physical world… – Wikipedia, 2015

Over the past year things have gotten pretty fucked up, and its hard not to blame myself –I am the one who quit after all. But that’s what this is about I guess, to write about what its like trying to make things better. No promises though, I only hope things get better, its not like I can see the future.

I’ve read a lot about how changing my perspective could have an influence on how I perceive my life, you know like try optimism for a change and suddenly life won’t seem to suck so much. So there will be some of that, looking for the Brightside. But I also think that writing about how much things suck might be kind of cathartic and help me understand myself and deal, so there might be some of that too. I guess, I don’t know what there will be, but it starts here and I’m hoping for the best (optimism, see).

Cathartic – providing psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions. -Oxford Dictionary, 2015

Oh and if you were wondering, this isn’t one of those blogs that is all about making the reader happy and writing about what they care about. This is one of those blogs that might become too terribly honest at times, and will probably share my opinion strongly and if you don’t like it, well I really don’t give a fuck. For now, it’s all about me.